Incomplete thoughts
garnished with evidence of the
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Current:
July 10, 2007.
I am moving. From one house to another and the stored away past is making it's way to the surface on its way to being packed into boxes. Uncovering junk that seems to pick at scars in my memory. There is so much crap I assume I must enjoy looking back into the past. Although now it depresses me..... I should throw all this shit away. But somehow it's made me come back to this, to the writing. Because most of these artifacts are just that, letters, notes, postcards, all hand written. Talk about a lost art. I found stamps too, william sorayan , dorthy parker. Ghosts... I feel like one now. A shameful memory , let it burn.
It's the best I can do these days, where I scarcely move, my walks are too fast, and always toward somewhere known. I'm not looking for a path I'm looking for an angel. And there in lies the mistake. I'm an opportunist, a control freak, and my fists are clenched tightly. My language is my body, and I scarcely move.
The metaphor that I'm trying to convey , is the one between spatial movement and thoughts, as in: "the transformation of consciousness is a journey." I think that when you take a long walk, you make physical that metaphor of transformation, and the mind follows suit. You could bring the idea of home into this theme, a place to return to, a place of safety and comfort.
My home is no more. My thoughts in turmoil. Is my yawn contagious?
July 11, 2007.
I imagine that is how rituals originated, taking a metaphor that has been applied to an event and translating into a physical process. For example, I liken the upheaval that is caused by my moving locations to dropping a rock in a lake, people and relationships I've had in the past form a network, by means of packing things away I find letters and writings and a ripple of emotion extends out from me. It's a thoery, one that I'm testing out currently and that is: will anyone out of the blue come to this website that I have not updated in over 3 years, because they somehow have felt this ripple. Of course even if they do will they give me feed back? More so, if they do give me feed back, will it be in time for me to notice the connection.. What will come out of it thought even if I hear back from no one, is that I will perform ritual, of dropping a rock into a lake, and watching the ripples flow outward.
Ok Ok, all metaphysical newage goo you say..... Agreed, it happens to the best of us, but pragmatism and rationalism don't always hold up, they get monotonous too. Once in a while you want sit by the campfire tell ghost stories and roast marsh mellows. And only for a short while, then it's back to the business of the transformation of consciousness and finding nirvana, through meditation and discipline Or better yet, back to making your first million. Make it a double.